My experience with prescription stimulants

Stimulant abuse is a growing problem among people of all ages. I will just be speaking about my experience today though. My experience has lead to heavy abuse of all kinds of prescription stimulants.

I grew up being called stupid and often heard things such as - "Why can't you just pay attention?", or "You have so much potential, why can't you just put in a little effort?". I never had the answers to these questions, and I never knew why.

My freshman year in high school I was diagnosed with ADHD. This was one of those "Ah ha" moments in my earlier years. My diagnosis of ADHD explained away all my problems I had when I was growing up. Today, I don't know that I even have ADHD. Either way, what I want to talk about today is the potential for abuse that comes along with any prescription stimulants.

My mother dispensed my medication to me for awhile. I thought it was God's gift to me, and that it was how I was going to be successful in life. While on the medication (initially Adderall) I was able to focus in class. I was able to do my homework and I was able to study. I was always that kid that aced all tests without focusing or having to try. Now that I had stimulants to get me going, I was unstoppable when it came to academics. I also felt that it sharpened my wit, increased my confidence, and basically just turned me into "the man".

With the addictive personality that I have though, one pill swallowed in the conventional way just wasn't enough for me. Since my mother was dispensing them to me I didn't have the ability to take more than one at a time. I did however, find out that by crushing the little balls inside the capsules and sniffing them, that all of the "extended release" would instantly be released, causing a shorter lived but much more intense effect. This is when things really got out of hand for me.

I realized that the more medication I got into my body in a shorter time span, the greater the "euphoric" effects these pills had on me. Around this time, I started going to the doctor on my own. I also started dispensing my own medications. I got my dosages increased, convincing my doctor to give me the 30 mg XR pills in the morning and 15 mg instant release so I could take that around lunch time. Of course I would crush them both up and snort them before class in the morning. Then I went on to taking more than prescribed, to the extent that my prescriptions would run out about 2 weeks before it was supposed to.

I'm gonna break this story for a second, just to say that this continued on until college. The amounts that I took increased, and the different types of stimulants varied as time went on. Simply put, for the next few years I kept taking more and more of different types of stimulants until they didn't have much of an effect on me.

My bottom, not just with stimulants, but with all other drugs as well came when I was around 21 years old. I should probably mention that I picked up a nice heroin habit along the way too. That aside though, I was literally taking enough stimulants at this point to probably kill 3 or 4 kids.

Just to get out of bed in the morning, I had to take anywhere between 250-400 milligrams of Aderall or of a similar stimulant known as Vyvanse. I would set my alarm for an hour before I had to wake up so I could swallow the pile of pills I had on my bed stand. This way, when I woke up I was energized and ready to go. Around lunch time I would take another couple hundred, and do this several more times throughout the day. At my height I was taking 1500+ milligrams of aderall and/or Vyvanse within a 24 hour period.

You're probably asking yourself "How did this guy sleep?". That's the thing, once I got going, I wouldn't sleep for 5-7 days at a time. All I wanted more than anything was to go to sleep, but I couldn't get myself to take a break from the stimulants in order to let my body reset itself. The lack of sleep alone would cause me to hallucinate and be delusional (about almost everything), but throw hundreds of milligrams of stimulants in the mix every couple hours and it caused me to literally go insane.

I would become delusional and psychotic to the point I would talk to people that weren't there. I would then get mad when I realized that those people weren't there. I would've fit into a mental hospital just fine, and everyone would agree that I belonged there. These stints would usually last for about a week until I would finally drink myself to sleep around day 6 or 7.

Quitting and why it was so hard for me-

I've quit all sorts of drugs, including heroin and alcohol, but I found stimulants given to me by my doctor to be the hardest to kick. They had such an affect on my brain that I felt I could not do ANYTHING without them. I thought I was so productive and thought that without them I wasn't able to accomplish anything. I was so delusional that I thought I had to take stimulants in order to quit drugs. Think about that sentence for a second... I think you'll agree with me that its an insane thought.

For me (again this is just MY experience), I needed a 28 day treatment program to get off the stimulants. I had to let my body reset, and get into the routine of doing normal everyday things without any substances at all. In that time I was able to see that I can get out of bed without a stimulant. I can brush my teeth and take a shower without it. I can attend meetings and work a regular schedule without it. I can write this article of over a thousand words without it, and in less then half an hour.

The idea that I could lead a productive life without stimulants just seemed impossible to me. It wasn't until I gave it a shot that I realized it could be done. If you or a loved one is addicted to stimulants, just know that there is a way out. I have a life beyond my wildest dreams, with a career today (and no drugs!). Who would've thought? Not me.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a medical expert in anyway. If you or a loved one is experiencing problems with substance abuse, contact a professional. This is just my personal experience and in know way is intended as a guide to quit drugs.

God bless.